Sweat Baby, Bang Baby…
“…sex is a Texas drought.” I wasn’t entirely sure whether to title this post “Baby Got Bang” or “Baby Go Back”, but then I decided to pay homage to the Bloodhound Gang’s The Animal Song. It’s a song that will always be a classic source of nostalgia (oh, late nights in middle school watching VH1’s Insomnia and late night MTV when it was still about the music), and a karaoke staple.
Sacrilegious though it may be (especially given my past track record), I sort of wish I could say the same about the promotional track off Urata Naoya‘s upcoming album. Instead, Baby Bang! feat. SPHERE isn’t likely to head that way anytime soon.
I must give the song its props. It’s a dance track so it’ll make perfect use of Urata’s dancing chops, and based off the group dance shots in the video he’ll have a good performance to show us with this song. It grows on you too, if you haven’t outright decided that you hate it. Urata spends most of the track in a falsetto and his higher range, too, so when SPHERE makes his grand entrance it makes a perfect contrast. All the same, I’m hoping that the rest of the album doesn’t keep him in this area, because it will hurt to listen to within the first three days.
What I can’t stand is the video. It’s just ridiculous. The aforementioned group dance shots work. Urata walking down the empty street towards the camera? Come home to mama, baby (bang!). The solo dance shots with the paint-splattered backgrounds are nice too. But Urata’s solo scenes where he’s in that ridiculously colored hoodie, moving spastically against a metal closed-store grate, with equally horribly-colored lighting… y’know, I love a shot of pop star nipple as much as the next person, but not at the cost of my eyes. No, man, you can not get a kiss. That was just not sexy. SPHERE’s also pretty stupid looking when he’s not walking down the street. Stick with the street, guys, even if there’s an oncoming car. It’s really better for your image.
Even worse are the scenes where he molests a random Caucasian lady. Oh, I’m all for the molesting. It was really rather hot, even if she clearly didn’t think so. I’m just not for the goopy blue paint. What is this, a new form of protection? Thick blue paint will not stop your guy cooties from reaching her. It just makes her look more ugly and less sexually attractive. Actually, when the video started with her, it’d gotten to the point where I’m not even sure she was sexually attractive to begin with. Hell, even Urata has a guilty look as he smears the paint all over her limbs. “I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to kill your skin cells like this.”
I’m still looking forward to this release, between Urata and the revelation that KURO (of HOME MADE KAZOKU) had a hand in the lyrics of a song, but avex is trying a bit too hard to not remind us that the man is already 26. Or turn him into a male Amuro Namie where we can’t remember he’s 26… and either way, it’s not working.